You’re Not Spoiling Your Baby — You’re Wiring Their Brain for Security

By Ariel Cohen-Mendelson, LPCC

Let’s bust one of the biggest parenting myths: responding to your baby’s needs will “spoil” them. Neuroscience tells us the opposite — your warmth, responsiveness, and touch are literally building your baby’s brain.

Myth #1: “If I hold my baby too much, they’ll become dependent.”

Truth: When you hold your baby, their brain releases oxytocin — the “connection hormone” — which lowers stress and strengthens neural pathways for trust and safety. You’re not creating dependency; you’re creating security.

Myth #2: “If I pick them up when they cry, I’m rewarding bad behavior.”

Truth: Babies don’t cry to manipulate — they cry to communicate. Your consistent response teaches them that the world is safe and that emotions are manageable. This is the foundation of secure attachment, not spoiling.

Myth #3: “Rocking or contact naps will make sleep harder later.”

Truth: Rocking, snuggling, and contact naps regulate your baby’s nervous system. Co-regulation (your calm body helping theirs) teaches self-regulation later. Emotional safety now leads to independence down the road.

Myth #4: “Responsiveness makes you a soft parent.”

Truth: Responsiveness isn’t weakness — it’s neuroscience. The more predictably you meet your baby’s needs, the more resilient, confident, and emotionally balanced they become.

You’re not spoiling your baby by responding — you’re wiring their brain for connection, trust, and emotional health. Every cuddle, every soothing touch, every time you whisper, “It’s okay, I’ve got you,” you’re shaping the architecture of a securely attached brain.

Hold them. Rock them. Respond. You’re not giving too much love — you’re giving them the science-backed foundation to thrive.