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How to Get Your Teen Thinking “I Need to Call My Parents”

arielbmendelson

Teen on smartphone, texting.

How to Get Your Teen Thinking “I Need to Call My Parents”, Instead of “My Parents are Going to Kill Me”


After helping countless parents improve their relationships with their teens, here is a quick tip to increase the likelihood your teen calls you when they are in a less than ideal situation.


Scenario:


Your teen was at a party, drinking, they’ve had a little too much– are they going to call you, get behind the wheel, get in the car with someone else who was drinking, or some other less than ideal situation? Well, there is a way to increase the likelihood that they call you.


Better Decisions Instead of the BEST Decision

Part of being a teen means not always making the BEST decisions; emphasizing the positives of a better decision, instead of focusing on the fact that they didn’t make the “best decision”, could make all the difference… and here’s exactly how to do that..


Remember scenario 1? Let’s say, your teen called you after a night drinking with their friends… We already know they didn’t make the “best decision”, they are already calling you, drunk.. BUT, they DID CALL YOU, and that is a “better decision”.


When you go to pick up the teen, your parent brain will be going a million miles a minute, “why did they drink, how could they lie to me about where they were, etc.,” Do your best to quiet those thoughts. Instead of laying into them about how disappointed you are in their choices and grounding them forever, simply say, “I am so glad you felt comfortable calling me to pick you up.”


I know, that line isn’t nearly as satisfying as letting them have a piece of your mind, but punishment and shame tend to lead to sneakier teens, not more compliant.


Now, let's say your parent brain took over, you were seeing red, and you let them have it.. Have no fear, you’re human! You can model making amends and taking accountability for your actions.. YAY. After you’ve cooled off, sit down and have a conversation with them. You can say something along the lines of, “I was really scared when you called me last night and I lost my temper. I’m so glad that you felt comfortable calling me to pick you up. You can always call me.”


Conclusion

If you’d like to improve the communication between you and your teen, response is everything. Focusing on “better decisions”, rather than the “best decision”, can make all the difference. If you’re wondering whether parent coaching can benefit you, contact me for a free 15 minute phone consultation to see how I might be able to help you.

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