After becoming a new parent, and talking to new moms in both a personal and professional setting, I am revealing insider information on what we (the moms) wish you (the dads) knew about how to support us, postpartum. By the end of this blog post, you will be equipped with tools that will have your wife thinking you’re a mind reader. You’re welcome.
Make it about her, not you.
Don’t make things about you. Don’t do it, I repeat DO NOT do it.
Dads, I promise you, no matter how tired you are from the sleep deprivation that comes with being a new parent, or how sore your body may be from holding your tiny human, I promise you, the mental and physical exhaustion that comes with being a new mom of an infant is MORE.
No Dad, in the history of new dads, ever made their partner feel better by talking about how tired they are or how their needs aren’t being met.
Validate her feelings and be empathetic.
Now, I’m not saying your feelings don’t matter, but if you need to tell someone about how tired you are, call a friend, call YOUR mom, join a new dads group on facebook, or simply get your own therapist– call me, I’m accepting new clients.
Educate yourself about all things postpartum.
It’s a fact that 1/5th of marriages end in divorce within the first 12 months of becoming new parents. If you’re reading this, you probably don’t want to be part of that statistic. Educating yourself on what your partner is going through is crucial.
From learning how to love herself again, being overstimulated by being touched by a tiny human all day and night, to overall physical and mental exhaustion– your partner is going through a lot.
Learning how to support your partner and knowing what’s going on with her body and brain, can set you up for success.
Don’t worry dad, she loves you, she is just exhausted and cranky (and it may take more time than you think for her to feel better– new research shows postpartum depression can last up to 3 years).
She needs help.
Okay, it’s 2023, I think this goes without saying, but Dads, your wife isn’t solely responsible for parenting. Change some diapers, supplement some feedings (if this applies to your family), get up and sit with her during some late night feedings, do some laundry, hold the baby for contact naps… be proactive– you’ve got this Dads.
Sometimes, she needs breaks.
Now, obviously this differs from mom to mom, but I feel confident in saying that sleeping and showering don’t count as self-care… those are basic human needs. Your wife needs a break, whether she wants to scroll on instagram, watch trashy reality tv, sit in silence, or something else– make sure she has some time to do it.
Be patient with sex.
Dads, I know you look at the powerful goddess that grew and is now caring for your child, and think “Dang, let's practice making more humans”... but things may be different for her.
Give her time to feel like herself again. Focus on romance rather than intercourse– draw her a bath, give her a massage with no pressure for it to lead anywhere, make dinner for her and eat a meal together, etc.
Follow her lead. She will feel passionate again.
Conclusion
As you can see, there are ways to set yourself up for success as a new dad. If you’re wondering whether individual counseling can benefit you, contact me for a free 15 minute phone consultation to see how I might be able to help you.
Love <3